Justice
by AlyssaLucyAnne
Summary: A long talk after a bad case that reveals some more of Castles' past


She had gone straight to bed. They didn't talk, didn't eat, they didn't do anything.

She just went to bed and lay there, not sleeping, just lying there staring at the wall with a blank expression.

He didn't push her, he understood how she was feeling. Hell, he was still shaken by that case.

They had worked through all of the last three days to find the killer of a cute little 5 year old girl, who had been stabbed many times. It had been gruesome.

They had run on coffee because no one could sleep and even now after the killer had been caught and imprisoned for life, the pictures were still haunting him.

It didn't feel like justice. This little innocent child was dead, for nothing more than some gang business.

It was senseless and horrible and it had left the precinct in a sense of shock.

They had been able to go home at 6 but no one actually wanted to leave, not wanting to deal with those pictures alone.

The others had left for The Old Haunt to grab some beers and just be in the presence of people that knew how it felt, to unload the pain this case had left.

Castle sensed that Beckett had reached a breaking point and knew the last thing she wanted was spending more time with people she had to keep the appearance of the strong badass Detective intact. So they both decided to head home.

They rode to their loft in silence, neither one of them having words to make this day any better.

They just sat next to each other, their hands clasped, trying to ground each other.

She had gone to the bedroom immediately after entering the loft and he knew from looking at her expression that she needed some time alone.

Not being able to just sit there and let the weight of the past days overwhelm him, he went to the kitchen to clean. He was just in the middle of cleaning the refrigerator, when he heard Kate emerging from the bedroom.

Her steps didn't really make a sound but he was so attuned to her that he felt her presence anyways.

She sat down on the couch, her blanket still covering her shoulders. She was staring at the floor when he came to sit beside her. They didn't say anything for a long while.

"What is my purpose Castle?"

Her whisper was only a breath and for a moment he doubted that she had actually said something. But then she looked up at him and her eyes were so full, so full of everything she couldn't say, but he still managed to understand.

He held her gaze for a while and took her hand in his own, his larger palm surrounding hers completely.

"I want to show you some place, Kate."

He said to her, still looking into her gorgeous hazel eyes.

"Now? I really don't feel up to going out today Castle, I…"

He didn't let her finish and just pulled her off the sofa in one gentle move.

"You want to see this place Kate, and when you want to leave after you saw it, we will do that immediately okay?"

She was way too tired to argue this with him so she just let him walk her to the front door, got into her shoes and jacket again, and walked with him through the streets of New York.

It took them ages to get to their destination: A usual New Yorker building, nothing special, a little shabby on the outside with some stairs leading to an open glass door.

She looked at him, her eyebrows raised and a small frown appearing on her forehead.

"That's it?" she asked.

He smirked at her and pulled her into the building after him.

She sighed dramatically, just wanting to be home already. She appreciated his effort of trying to make her feel better but she didn't think visiting some random building would change anything.

They got on the elevator and out at the top floor. It was a normal hallway. White painted walls, brown doors. It wasn't a very rich building but generally nice and clean.

She looked at him, the question as to why they were here shining in her eyes.

He didn't even let her start to ask but pointed to a door with the number 412 written on it.

"This is where I lived through all of college."

She looked up at him in surprise. He didn't talk about his past a lot, so she hadn't expected this at all. She began to look at the door and the hallway with new eyes.

This was where he had spent many days of his life.

This was where he had started writing.

A small smile appeared on her face, taking this new part of his life story in.

"But this isn't what I actually wanted to show you, come on."

He pulled her to a window at the very end of the hallway and opened it without a problem. It led out to a fire escape and together they climbed out there. Once they were outside he gestured her to sit down next to him.

"Is it okay that we are here?" she asked a little at unease at just walking into some building and sitting on its fire escape.

"The doorman knows me, he's been here forever, it's fine."

So they sat on a foreign fire escape, somewhere in the middle of New York watching the city lights.

They didn't say anything but New York never kept quiet so they just took in all that noise, that was cause by the thousands of people, that were moving and talking in those streets underneath them.

"This is where I started writing. I would sit here and just watch all those people, with all those stories and I couldn't believe that they would never be told. So I started telling them to myself and later wrote them down. I used to sit here for ages. Just watching the streets and people and thinking about their lives."

She looked at him in awe. He had told her the story of how he started writing but never told her about his early stories and inspiration.

She was glad he was sharing this information with her and took his hand to squeeze it gently in encouragement.

"In a town like this it's hard to avoid, crime and death. You see it on the news, you see it everywhere once you start looking. This isn't the best area you know, and one night, I heard a scream, it was silent and I wasn't sure whether I had made it up or if it really happened. It was in that alley over there."

He pointed to the left side of the building, where a small lane led into nothing but darkness.

"I went down there, just to check and there was a woman lying on the ground. Alone. She had been beaten pretty badly and I called an ambulance to get her to a hospital.

All the time I was waiting with her she asked me whether she was going to be okay and why they had beaten her of all people. And I had no answers. I didn't know why anyone would do something like that. She survived but the guys who did this to her were never found"

He swallowed and it took him a long time to continue.

"This is why I started to write crime novels, because I wanted to understand. Because I wanted to be able, to give answers. And because I wanted to write something true. And the truth is the world is not fair."

She squeezed his hand, hard this time. He looked at her. Sitting here next to him in the darkness and listening to his story. Castle put his arm around her to gather her close. She moved into his arms willingly and laid her head on his shoulder to press a kiss into the crook of his neck.

She didn't say anything, they had never really needed many words and she knew that he got how much it meant to her that he was sharing this story with her.

"I am telling you this, because that is what you are Kate. This is your purpose. The world is unfair but you bring a little bit of justice into it, you get the answers to the people who need it the most, you bring them peace. I know that the dead are dead and that we can't bring them back. But you bring closure to the victims' families'. You prevent stuff like that from happening again. And I guess that's the most you can do."

She looked up at him and found nothing but love shining in his eyes. She moved up to gently brush her lips against his, to let him feel all the things she could not say.

"Thank you for telling me this story Castle." She wanted to say so much more but he just pulled her in for a long, tender kiss.

They sat on that fire escape like that for a long while. Kissing from time to time, looking at their city and enjoying the peace they found in being with each other.

**Dedicated to my twin Ema! Because she is the sweetest person ever and one of the best friends I have! I love you my Irish twin!:****

Reviews are always much appreciated:)


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